Prepare and Reflect!
You already know that feeling of having your heartbeat repeatedly race just at the thought of having that critical, yet seemingly uncomfortable, conversation. You know!
The other day, I had a client who said, "Every time I am about to have the conversation, it feels like the ground should open and swallow me." Lol…
Many people would rather avoid conflict and allow themselves to harbor the turmoil and internal conflict within themselves than sit with either the human other or themselves to get to the heart of an issue. What they don’t understand is that the avoidance of conflict is really more destructive than the actual conflict itself.
Don’t get me wrong! The act of choosing not to respond or address an issue at a particular time out of respect for yourself and the other person is entirely different from the avoidance strategy.
In the context of ignoring the tension in the air, avoidance is a practice of keeping away from or withdrawing from something undesirable. You end up internalizing the problem and drawing ill-informed conclusions during this brief moment of avoidance, or you may even find yourself engaging in more attention-seeking behaviors. Then the voices in your head get louder, and since you would rather stay silent than have the conversation, you end up suffering internally. Your stress level rises, you emotionally abuse yourself, and you end up straining your relationships. You know how it goes!
Prepare and Reflect!
Preparation. Hands down! Nothing beats preparation. Yep! You've probably heard this multiple times: you may think it's just a bunch of phrases, but when you enter a conversation and emerge feeling worse than before, you realize the importance of being prepared. In the past, you've likely experienced uncomfortable conversations that failed or went awry due to your lack of preparation.
Imagine you're about to climb a steep mountain. You likely wouldn't begin the climb without first checking the weather, packing supplies, or planning your route, correct? An uncomfortable conversation is much like a challenging climb—potentially intimidating and requiring preparation to navigate successfully. Preparation gives you clarity and helps build the muscle you need to win. However, it goes side-by-side with reflection on the nature of the conflict.
Reflection. This type of reflection entails pondering on the dynamics that led to the disagreement in the first place. Before entering into a dialogue, focus on the purpose of the conversation, the key points you want to address, and the potential outcomes that would serve both parties. Reflect on your emotions and biases to ensure you approach the conversation with an open mind and not judgment. Thinking through your points in advance reduces the likelihood of emotional sway or regrettable statements. It also allows you to find empathy, helping you understand the perspective of the other person.
This strategy I have shared is the first step toward holding space for you to be ready for the uncomfortable conversation. What makes this work EVERYTIME is that it requires you to take responsibility and do the work.
This is where most defaults are. Until next time, when I bring you the how!